Hey HEY hey you old fogies! Hope you didn’t miss us too much during our short break from le blog. When vacation calls, you’ve got to answer, you feel me? Not to worry; we’re back in full force and starting with a post that I’ve wanted to write for too long.
Anyone who knows me well is aware that I’m on a quest to become #instafamous. Before I delve any deeper into my life’s passion, let me define ‘instafamous’ for those who are out of the loop/living in a hole; ‘instafamous‘ is the state of being followed by many Instagram users (1,000+ in my opinion), most of whom you do not know. They follow you for your high-quality content and cool pics. Yes, my instafame dreams are shallow and maybe silly, but in the social media-based world that we’re growing up in, instafame can actually get you noticed. So yes,
if when I become instafamous, I will put that on my résumé. In bold. Like I-G-G-Y does with her name.
To become instafamous is not an easy task; this I have learned throughout my enduring endeavor. There are certain tricks of the trade that are always safe bets (sorry I’m not sharing, we can’t all be #instafamous), but there are other mechanisms that are just plain annoying. Sorry that I won’t stoop to hastagging a million random words (#followforfollow #likeforlike #girl #beyonce #picture #instagram) or freak out over ‘FIRST LIKE!!!’ Here’s a cute lil’ list of the things I have no plans of doing in order to become #instafamous.
1. Hashtag Everything. I hate when someone has a list as long as the bible of hashtags after their caption. Why can’t you be satisfied with 1-6 hashtags? I will accept that amount; any more is excessive. For example, one account that I love will hashtag the following: #fashion #style #fashionista #whatiwore #outfit #OOTN #OOTD etc etc etc. I understand that using a milli hashtags does earn you followers, but I find it to be aggravating and trashy. It looks childish and desperate. I WILL NOT DO IT!
2. First Like! Comment or Claim. How annoying is it when you look at a celeb’s Instagram and someone has commented (mind you, it’s probably the 2,397th comment) FIRST LIKE! Like, NO, yours was probably NOT the first like. And even if you did like it first, what does this mean to me? That you’re sitting on your phone refreshing Kim Kardashian’s instafeed so that you can be the first to like her pic? No one cares.
3. Comment Obnoxiously on Celebrity Photos. This kind of goes with number 2, but commenting things like #firstlike, #followforfollow, #likeforlike is what adolescents do, not genuinely cool people. I want followers who follow me for my content, not because I promised to follow them if they followed me. Such a faux pas.
4. Pay for Followers. HAVE YOU NO SELF-RESPECT?! What ever happened to the good old days when we earned our followers? Obviously this is helpful because if a rando notices that you’re instafamous, they’re more likely to follow you. But won’t you sleep better at night knowing that you earned your instafame? I know I will. Sorry people, but you’ve got to work for it.
5. Post Nudie Pics. #No #PutItAway #Stop #YoureDoingTooMuch. I haven’t much to say about this one except that it ain’t happening.
6. Instagram Food That I Did Not Eat. Biddies who post pics of food that you know they didn’t eat (here’s looking at you) is one of the most irritating things on the planet. If you didn’t eat it, don’t post it and send a message that says ‘I ordered this bacon mac and cheese burger for dinner and a doughnut for dessert and still weigh 110 pounds and look great in a bikini and don’t have to work out!’ Stop. Now. Actually, stop about 10 minutes ago. If you didn’t eat it, either a) don’t post it or b) clearly state that you didn’t eat it. If you’re guilty of this, then you’re living a lie. HOW are you going to live with yourself (my brother and I laugh every time at that clip btw so watch it)?
7. Lose My Integrity. I have a secret to tell you: once or twice, when I was debating which photo to post on the ‘gram, I chose one over the other because I knew it would get more likes. There, I said it, the truth is out. But you know what happens when I make that life-altering decision? I end up wishing that I’d posted the other picture because I liked it better even if it wasn’t going to get as many likes. But you know what? SCREW IT. If I like a picture, I’m going to post it. Not for likes or comments or followers, but because I want to share an interesting image with the Instaworld. So what if it doesn’t get 11+ likes? I did it for me.
So there’s an in-depth list of levels I will not stoop to for Instafame. More than anything else, I plan to continue Insta-ing for me, and you should too. Speaking of which, here are some fun pics from my vaca! Hope you like (get it, like? But not likeforlike. NO.).
PS. Please don’t unfollow me on Insta after reading this LOL.