Dear God, I Have a Few Questions For You…

The other day, I found myself in the bathroom brushing my teeth and wondering why God gave women chin hair. I’m not afraid to talk about this because you know it’s a thing and you can’t deny it. No woman, no matter how dainty or feminine or annoyingly short doesn’t have a lil touch o’ the chin hair. It’s gross and irritating. As I examined my chin for outliers, I wondered to myself, “why did God even give women chin hair? It serves no purpose. I don’t get it.” From there, I a) started to laugh at myself b) was amazed at how dumb that question sounds and c) began to think about other questions I had for God.

I’m not very religious; my family is one of those that goes to church on Christmas and Easter only to return home to our laptops, iPhones, and lives (they’re all one and the same, really). I’d like to think that there’s someone in the sky just chilling and watching us make fools out of ourselves down here on earth. If there is any truth to my vision of God, I have a few questions for him/her. The world we live in is a funny one and sometimes I’d like a bit more of an explanation…

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Why do little kids have absolutely no common sense? I know, they haven’t experienced the world yet, but come on. Paste is for pasting. If it was for eating then you would have been told so.

Why do some adults have absolutely no common sense? I don’t get it.

Why do women grow chin hair? And mustaches? And hair in unwanted places in general? Are you really going to make us wait out all of that evolution until we have hair where it should be?

Why does food have calories? Seriously, why does food have to make us fat? Can’t we just ingest it and digest it and be done with it?

Why on earth did you give someone the idea to create diet soda, twinkies, and Four Loko? Shame on you.

Why do thin girls post photos on Instagram of extremely unhealthy foods? Do they actually eat the foods? Do they take a picture of someone else’s food? Is it the only thing they eat in a day? Are they actually blessed with the ability to eat fattening, high-calorie foods without getting fat? I do not understand this. Do they want people to comment about how skinny they are? Please explain. I eat everything that I Instagram, so I’m a tad bit confused. This article sums up my feelings perfectly. That being said, I don’t know that I’ll stop Instagramming food any time soon.

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Why does peanut butter have to taste so good? Why is it so addictive?

Why can’t we teleport? I’d be really into that.

Why does the entire freaking world use different currencies? IT WOULD BE SO MUCH EASIER IF WE ALL JUST USED ONE CURRENCY! I’m not asking that we all use the dollar–that would be too American-centric of me. One currency is all I ask.

Why on earth don’t we all use the same measurements? Whose brilliant mind did you lead to think that the foot, inch, and pound would catch on worldwide? That didn’t exactly pan out.

Why can’t we talk to dogs? That would be cool. Man should be able to talk to his best friend.

I just watched Blackfish and can’t help but wonder why anyone ever thought to themselves, “hey, let’s capture killer whales and train them to do tricks in a pool. We will ride them and pet them and they will be friendly killer whales.” No.

How are some people so painfully self-centered? How can they only think of themselves at all times and pay no mind to the well-being or existence of others?

Why is the rent so damn high? I’m kidding. No I’m not.

Why does it get so cold in the winter? Cold is not fun. No. Just no.

Why won’t someone just employ me? I would be an awesome employee. Seriously. I am more than my GPA.

Why are men so oblivious? Of all the things.

Why can’t outlets be universal? I’d love if someone eliminated the need for converters.

That’s all for now, peeps. What questions would you ask God? What perplexes you?

PS. A few pictures that sum up my life of late! Coffee, shopping, and being obsessed (but not in a weird way) with Spanish children. They’re so much cuter than American kids.

sev final feb week

-G

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