What Not To Eat On A Date

There’s no doubt about the fact that dates are tricky. What do you wear? Where will you go? How long will it last? Do you offer to pay? What if he makes you pay? What will you talk about? What if things get awkward? How much are you expected to do on a date? How do you act after a date? What will you even DO on your date?

Also if anyone wants to ask either Caroline or me out on a date, that’s fine. Really, we won’t resist.

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One of the biggest questions that Caroline and I ask ourselves when thinking about dates is WHAT THE HECK DO YOU EAT? Nothing too messy, too smelly, too greasy, too girly, too guyish. Date food is a seemingly simple yet complicated matter.

Caroline and I have composed a list of foods that you should probably avoid on a date. Well, they’re the foods that we would avoid. Happy dating!

Spaghetti – Messy and red and slurpy and no. Do you want to risk getting pasta all over the shirt that you carefully picked out for this occasion? And do you really want to be slurping pasta in front of your date? We would rather not.

Pizza – Like pasta, pizza is a meal that seems to fall out of your hand in its transition from the table to your mouth. Like, there is no way you will ever have a clean bite of pasta just as there is no way at least half of the toppings won’t fall off your slice as you attempt to eat it. Also, ordering it is difficult. Do you order one slice? A small pie and share? A medium pie? What does a 16″ pie even look like. See people, there are questions.

Garlic Dishes – This works if you are on a date with a vampire and you decide after appetizers that you really don’t like him. In all honesty, this would scare away any guy, vampire or not.  Garlic and other strong flavors (onion, etc.) are not exactly the scents you want all over you if he goes in for a kiss after dinner (LOL like assuming this happens, who knows really).

Salad – There will never, ever, be a bite of salad that ends up all in your mouth. Some part of it is still sticking out from between your lips even after you think you’ve gotten the whole bite in. Stalks and leaves and toppings are literally all up in my mouth and chin and face while eating salad. There is just no way to do it. Unless you’re alone, in which case you can get as ugly with your salad as you want.

Steak – This is just obnoxious. No matter who pays, ain’t nobody I know that can afford no filet mignon – we’re in freakin’ college. A first date is not the time to test the bank account of your suitor. Treat yo’self another day.

Seafood – Seafood is risky. Like steak, it can be very pricy, and like garlic, it can be very smelly. Plus you will probably end the meal reeking of fish, which if possible you should avoid. Your only option in the seafood category is an unassuming, unidentified white fish. Stick with this and you’ll be golden.

Soup – You will inevitably try to blow on it to make it cooler, either splashing it on his face and burning him or spilling it on yourself and having stains on your shirt for the rest of the night. Your soup is either boiling hot like molten lava or luke warm and gross. You also run the risk of slurping soup for the duration of your date, which isn’t the cutest noise. And come on, when is soup ever that satisfying? Just don’t order it.

BBQ – Unless your date took you to a BBQ restaurant and knows what he is in for, we wouldn’t recommend ordering wings or ribs on a first date. Messy hands+messy face=no good. BBQ is a very technical meal; it’s not easy to maneuver your way around the rib of a cow. That sounds really sad and gross actually, lets move on from that.

Sushi – First of all, neither of us can think of any guys who would actually ask a girl to get sushi. But if one were to get asked, is one supposed to eat the entire roll in one bite? Are you supposed to cut it, thus ruining the integrity of sushi? Are you supposed to eat the ginger? Will that make your breath smell? Will the fish make your breath smell? What if you suck at using chop-sticks? Is it okay or lame to ask for a fork? A sushi date with anyone other than our best friends can get real complicated real quick.

Burger – Messiness, gassiness, sloppiness. Burgers are best enjoyed in the company of family,  bffs, or alone.

Mexican Food – Ok beans, and um, cheese, and rice. Like, this just adds up to a bad feeling in your stomach that has got to come out eventually. It will make you bloated AF and probably leave you running for the bathroom before the check arrives at your table. Seriously, stay clear of Mexican until the 6th or 7th date. Unless you have an iron stomach, then by all means, go for the guac.

Soda – I don’t know about you, but when I drink soda it takes me about 5 seconds to start burping up a storm. I get bloated and kind of nasty. Come to think of it, this rule applies to beer, too. No one wants to be bloated on a first date. Talk about a mood killer.

So what CAN you eat on a date? After composing this list, Caroline and I agree that you’re best off just ordering water with lemon. That way, you’ll leave the date detoxified and feeling your most fresh. Drink your water for the appetizer and eat the lemon as your main dish. Voila! Problem solved.

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If you’re not into the water with lemon idea **raising our hands** then just get whatever the heck you want. We have to eat, and odds are that if a guy asked you out on a date that involves food, he won’t mind if you actually eat something.

When it comes down to it, if a guy really likes you, he should be fine with seeing you eat whatever you want. A guy who is grossed out by your eating habits and judges you based on your culinary choices probably, well, sucks.

-G and C

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