So I’m fixin’ to go on a little rant here; a stream of my unfiltered thoughts, if you will.
I am single. I have never had a boyfriend.
As a college junior, I am starting to think more about my future, as I definitely should. What will I do, who do I want to be, where will I live, what size storage container should I get for my peanut butter collection? Serious questions, people. Another thing that often crosses my mind is the following: who the heck is going to love me and who can I marry and who wants to marry me and when will I meet them. Okay, that was more than one question.
I got to thinking about all of this romantic whatnot the other night when I was watching Justin Timberlake on Ellen, because that’s what I do when I don’t want to do homework. Ellen mentioned that she asked Jessica Biel what her favorite thing about being married was, and Jessica responded “being able to say my husband.” As jealous as I am of Jessica, I think I’ll like that too once I’m married. Justin responded to the same question; he said that once in a while he catches Jessica at a moment when she isn’t paying attention and reminds himself that if he never makes another good decision in his life, at least he made one really good decision. Her.
Mind you, after he said that I think I passed out for a couple minutes. Can you blame me? No, you can’t. I want what they have so badly I could cry.
I often go back and forth between being content as a single lady and super-depressed-just-want-someone-to-hold-me. I thought it might be fun (or depressing, I’ll let you know how I’m feeling at the end) if I made a list, in no particular order, of all the thoughts I have about being in a relationship versus being single. Here goes nothing.
I just want someone to hold me.
If I had a boyfriend, he would snuggle me when I’m sick.
I miss my mom. I wish my mom would hug me. I don’t need a boyfriend to hug me.
Boyfriends require effort. I’m putting enough effort into the 74,393 other things I’m doing right now.
Do I have money to buy stuff for my boyfriend?
Boyfriends require money.
I wish someone would look at me like that. They love each other so much.
Is there a single person here who would even consider dating me?
Am I too neurotic and controlling? Is that what’s driving the men away?
I would definitely dress better if I had a boyfriend.
I love wearing workout clothes to class and not feeling the need to dress up.
UGH, now that she has a boyfriend she ditches us all the time. I don’t want to be that girl.
I wish I had someone to ditch my friends for.
I hope I have what my parents have one day. Almost 25 years later, and I can still see how much they love each other. They’re lucky. Props, Mom and Dad.
I wish someone would text me just to see how I’m doing when I least expect it.
It’s okay, I don’t need a boyfriend now. Plenty of people meet their future-spouses when they’re out of college!
How much longer do I have to wait before someone will love me?
How do people even meet if they’re not in college…
I just want someone to hang out with and watch dumb TV shows with and laugh at.
Am I too uptight? Is that what drives them away?
Am I easy to friendzone?
Am I not flirty enough? It’s my sarcasm, isn’t it?
Am I awkard? I’m ‘kward, aren’t I?
It’s okay, you don’t need a boyfriend! Plenty of your friends don’t have boyfriends! It’s FINE not to have a boyfriend and to be independent and to just be happy being you.
I’ll be married to someone (if someone ever chooses to put a ring on it) for years. Like, longer than I’ve been alive thus far. I can wait a few more years until I’m tied down.
WHY DOES NO ONE LOVE ME?! WHY DOES NO ONE WANT TO LOVE ME?!
Are my thighs too big? Should I shave my legs more often? Is it my unruly eyebrows? It had better not have anything to do with a thigh-gap.
Am I too self-centered? Am I not nice enough? Do I give off a mean vibe?
I have plenty of guy friends! Isn’t that enough?
Guys are immature. Look at them, they’re children.
Are guys more mature than I give them credit for?
Should I go out more; is that they key to meeting guys?
Do I need to drink more for guys to feel comfortable approaching me?
boy man should love me for exactly who I am.
Stop trying to be someone you’re not; just be happy. Calm down, Gabby, Give yourself a break.
IS IT MY SMELLY FEET? IT IS! I WORKOUT A LOT, OKAY? MY FEET SMELL! WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT IT?
Do I work out too much? Is that weird for guys?
Do guys think I’m in a relationship with peanut butter? Cause I’m not.
Was my dad right all along telling me that I’m intimidating to guys?
Dad was just telling me what every dad tells their daughter when they start wondering why boys approach their friends rather than them. Am I ugly? Was that Dad’s way of covering up the fact that I’M UGLY?!
I am beautiful. I am perfect just the way I am. I need to stop being so hard on myself, have fun, live my life, and roll with the punches. Don’t be in a rush to find a boyfriend or get married or have kids; it’ll all happen eventually. Just live your life, Gabby.
How do I fell after writing that list? I kind of want to cry. We’re all so hard on ourselves when it comes to most everything, why criticize ourselves more when it comes to romance, or lack thereof? I think I need to hop on the ‘happy being single’ bandwagon and stay on there for a while. That is, of course, until just the right guy comes around. Someone who accepts me, feet and rigidness and hairy legs and all. But until then, I’ll be here, in my bed, alone, listening to Justin Timberlake’s new album. And I’m okay with that.
Text me, tweet me if you want to reach me.
PS. Would someone mind whipping these Chocolate Malt Ice Cream Sandwiches up for me? Thaaaaank you.